My last semester in college was the toughest one I had. Most students call the last week of classes “hell week” because of the weight of academic work. I was in “hell week” condition for the last three weeks of classes, plus the finals week. One morning on my second “hell week”, God spoke to me through his Word. It was on Psalm 91:14-16 where I almost cried out of joy. It says
“Because he loves me” says the LORD, “I will rescue him; I will protect him and his testimony for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him. I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. I will show him my salvation” (NIV, italics mine)
First, I was so joyful that God acknowledged that I love him. J Second, I was relieved of the weight that is on me because God assured me his deliverance in my academics.
Our pre-final standing in my toughest subject (Foundation Engineering) was scheduled to be released that day. I was in faith that I will see God’s promise in my pre-final standing. I was expecting to get a grade around 57-60 and an achievable target score in final exam. But when I saw my standing, I was shattered. It is a whopping 50. I need an 83 in the final exam to pass the subject. My second exam, the result of which was only given that day, is 10 – as in one-zero. Mixed emotions welled inside me. I was robbed of my peace, demoralized, and enraged all at the same time. For almost the whole day, I was repeatedly saying “I studied hard for that second exam. I answered that until 11:30pm. Several students got single-digit scores. Only 4 out of 60 students passed. Some CE quizzers flunked. It is not our (students’) fault.” I was so discouraged and troubled that I cannot focus on reviewing for an exam on a different subject scheduled that night. The circumstance is just so not-in-tune with what God has told me that morning and it’s just so hard for me.
But I have to fight. Sarah, wife of Abraham, did not get pregnant on the day God promised Abraham of a son. God assured me of my destiny. It may not seem to happen that day but I cannot give up. God promised it, he will make a way. After all, if God will ask for an account of that exam, I cannot tell him that I gave it up because 83 is impossible for me, knowing that nothing is impossible for him. So I fought, and studied hard for the finals.
The class was expecting a “friendly” final exam. We were wrong. It was hard.
After the finals, 24 students failed the subject. At least 4 out of the 12 graduating students will have to graduate next semester. The grade to qualify for removal exam was adjusted from 55 to 50 to avoid a gigantic mortality rate. My final grade was 49.63 meaning I failed…but then God is gracious. I did not fail. I was given the chance to take the removals but for me to pass the subject, I have to get a perfect score on it. At that moment, even if I’m facing a higher wall, I felt different. I was so delighted. I was in euphoria. There is hope and the proof is there, right in front of me. It is called God’s favour and it is upon me! I checked my final exam and there were erasures in my score. I was supposed to get a lower grade but the teacher decided not to put minuses in my score for the erasures I made. At that point, my morale was restored knowing that God’s favour is upon me. When the circumstances are nagging that God’s favour is on you, choosing to give up is just unacceptable, unjustifiable, and mind-blowing. I rejoiced. I just so knew God have made a way.
For me, it was like God is saying “Son, there’s the tidal wave, let’s go out surfing.” It’s crazy, right? But when the name of the one who told you this is LORD, and you just know that he is not just a great surfer but is the one who actually commands the waves into motion, and he is your awesome father and he’ll never leave you, man, you’ll just know he wants you have a great adventure with him. It is madly exciting. At that point, I discerned it. God is about to seal my college life with a perfect score. I was so thrilled and was chuckling at the thought of it, finishing my college with a bang.
And it did happen. My last exam in my college life is a perfect* one. My experience in this subject is one of the most agonizing, yet one of the sweetest moments in my college life, not just because of the perfect score, but primarily because it was such a great adventure God has given me which resulted in a deeper trust in Him and a deeper understanding of his sovereignty. J
Disclaimers:
Well, about the grade, it is a removal exam so it is still a 3.0. hehe.
*my exam was just perfect in essence. My answers in my scratch papers are all correct but I miswrote one of my answers in my answer sheet. The teacher was just kind enough to consider my scratch.
